1
A blackbird’s song broke into his uneasy dreams, but the shutters on the cottage windows were still tightly closed.
Will had arrived late, the faded September twilight long gone, but the moon had been bright enough to find the secreted house key among the geraniums. He woke now in panic in the darkness,
strangely disorientated, though a tiny shaft of light was trying to force its way in. Without his noticing, morning had come.
He leaped from the bed in a rush, and worried at the window catches. The wood had swollen in the rainy weather, and the shutters stuck for a moment before his fingers understood them. Then
instantly he was bathed in intense light. It was a perfect early autumn morning, the low-lying mist already pierced with sunshine. The myrrh scent of roses came in with the light and the moist
air, blending with the distinct note of French lavender from a hedge somewhere below. Such bittersweet memories stole in with the smell, but at least they restored some sense of calm and drove
the haunting faces that had crowded his dreams from his mind.
He had forgotten about the immersion heater last night, but he was desperate to shower off the dust from yesterday’s long ride from Lucca. He found the cool water refreshing, sorry only to lose
the heat that might have eased the stiffness in his body. His Ducati 998 was definitely not a touring bike: it was like a tetchy supermodel. Breathtakingly quick, absurdly demanding, yet
exhilarating to ride, it suited Will’s humor and eccentricity to perfection; but over long stretches without a break it was uncomfortable, if he were honest. His knees had been cramping a
little in the leathers late yesterday, but he shrugged that off. You had no business riding such a bike if you were fainthearted.
His face in the mirror confirmed his mother’s view of him as ”an angel a little fallen”; he resembled an extra in a Zeffirelli film, he thought, his jawline outlined with dark stubble. He
laughed with shock, recognizing that at this moment the look would unsettle even her. There was something manic in the face laughing back at him, and he knew he hadn’t kept the demons of his
journey from getting a little too close to his soul.
He pared -- rather than shaved -- away the growth of several days, and wiping soap from the razor he suddenly noticed a slightly faded rose which had dried perfectly in an old ink bottle by the
sink. Perhaps his brother, Alex, had brought someone there in the last couple of weeks? He had been so immersed in his own thoughts lately, he hardly knew anyone else’s movements. He smiled,
intrigued at the idea.
”I’ll call him early this evening,” he said aloud, surprised at the unfamiliar sound of his own voice, ”once I get to Caen.” The ferry wasn’t leaving until nearly midnight; but right now, he
had things he wanted to do.
In the serene morning light of the kitchen he started to relax for the first time in weeks, losing the disturbed, fugitive feeling he’d found shadowing him recently. The smell of apples in the
orchard spilled through the open door -- bringing the comfort of the thirty-one autumns he’d enjoyed before this one. He’d run from everything and everyone, but it felt good that he was coming
home. He rinsed the bloodred wine stain from the glass left from last night and threw what was left of the French loaf into the oven to encourage it for a few minutes. He decided to check the
bike, as he barely remembered how he’d parked it: all that had kept him going during those last grinding miles at speed from Lyon was the thought of refuge, breaking into the pungent Meaux brie
he’d packed in his rucksack, with a baguette, a glass of his father’s St.-Emilion, and bed.
Outside, everything was disarmingly peaceful. There was a late flush of wisteria scrambling over the front of the cottage. Apart from superficial signs of neglect betrayed by an uncut lawn and
unswept path, the house didn’t reveal the family pain that had shaped its solitude for many months. Following the sudden and terrible loss of Will’s mother from cancer late in January, no one
had appeared to want to visit it. Easily accessible on any three-day weekend from their home in Hampshire, this had been her space, her escape, her joy to paint and garden in; and her ghost
haunted every corner even now, in broad morning light. His father was grieving quietly and saying little, working as hard as ever to avoid thinking too much; and Alex seemed somehow to cope
with all events without letting others in on the depth of his feelings. But Will was proudly his mother’s son, emotional in his response to life and passionate in his relationships. And here,
in her enchanted space, he missed her.
